so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
