Christians are straight up FREAKS
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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