you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
