I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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