take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
