I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
