Betty ford says i'm here all night
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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