A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
