I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
