shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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Pass out mid-funnel last night.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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