hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize