he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
