Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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