I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
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Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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