I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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