We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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