Where are you?
In a non slutty way
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Randomize
