Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
