My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
