You can't special order awesome
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
