How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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