no one should ever give us hovercrafts
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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