You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
