tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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