Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
