so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
