Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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