I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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