On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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