I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
