She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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