The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize