So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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