Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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