tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
