i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
