i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
