Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
