I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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