the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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