another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
