I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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