Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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