Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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