Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
