woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
