So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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