Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
