There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
