P.S. I can't hear my feet
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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