It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
