I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
