i just wanna soil my oats bro
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
