i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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