There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
