Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
