that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
