I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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