no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
