PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
