I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize