i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
