omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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