Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
