just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
